Reflecting upon my own personal experiences of loss, I remember only
too well that first overwhelming feeling of being lost…swirling around in a
motionless bubble, whilst all around me the rest of the world carried on
as usual. I was left stunned and consumed by a flood of emotional
torment.
After several months of nursing, hoping and praying, a surge of emotion
was unleashed, my whole world had collapsed - it was all too much to
bear, my everything, my constant, my always, my forever - my darling
Mummy was gone!
Shock and numbness overpowered me, I felt such disbelief, confusion
and could not shake off a deep sense of unreality.
Friends gathered around - I could see their lips move but could not listen
to their words - I could feel their arms around me but could not accept
their comfort… this was not happening… this could not be real….
Panic and fear set in…What were we going to do without our beautiful
wonderful amazing rock?
I could not understand how I would never hear her voice or laughter
again. My heart ached for just one more hug… I could not imagine not
ever feeling her warmth or having her endless support and reassurance.
She always had my back and filled me with such confidence and love.
But thoughts soon led to the responsibility of saying goodbye… I had an
enormous sense of duty to make sure that this was our way of giving
thanks for and celebrating my Mummy by honouring her life, sharing our
special memories and cherishing her legacy.
In those last heartbreaking days, we had not dared to speak about her
wishes, but I knew now that this was our chance to do something
meaningful and pay her a touching and fitting tribute that would offer her
family and friends solace and serenity.
Emotionally challenging, an urgency and determination took over to
make sure every detail was considerate and carefully chosen with great
love and respect.
I felt a mix of pressure to make it all perfect and how my Mummy would
want things to be and a sense of pride and comfort to be doing it for her.
I believe that there is no way anyone can tell you what it is like to lose
someone you love, until you are touched by loss yourself and even then,
we are all different and yet there is truly no right or wrong way.
You do need strength, comfort, courage and love.
I have learned to be honest with myself and have allowed time, space,
and healing — but even in acceptance, you never truly let go. My
Mummy lives on in every kindness she taught me, every laugh we
shared, every quiet moment when I still feel her near
